He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
Randomize
