I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
Randomize
