Jerry, you need to find god
I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
Damn victory sex feels great
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
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