think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
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