Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
When did we convert life to cartoon?
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
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