I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
Randomize
