READY
for what?
TO HAVE SEXXXX
i think you have the wrong number
i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
Randomize
