i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
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