I accidentally had phone sex last night
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
Randomize
