these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
Randomize
