Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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