all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
Randomize
