what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
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