Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
Randomize
