Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
Drunk walkin through police station. America
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
Randomize
