I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
I too understand the importance of cheesy bread
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
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