you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
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