I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
Randomize
