It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
They took my balls.
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
Randomize
