I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
Randomize
