naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
Randomize
