Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
Randomize
