it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
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