I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
this just has baby written all over it
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
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