guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
Randomize
