okay pat passed out under dana's car
Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
Randomize
