When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
this chick on a show just showed her boobs and let some guy paint them others asked why she did it and her reply i quote "i was bored" why dont chicks get bored more often
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
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