It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
foreskin is a definite game changer
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
Randomize