Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
Randomize
