Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
Randomize
