I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
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