But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
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