I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
Randomize
