i don't know how boys match. i think shoes & belt are the only thing. it doesn't matter. i just know if they look stupid.
I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
Randomize
