My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
Randomize
