Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
We're like a lot better than the average bears
I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Randomize
