i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
Randomize
