Seriously, I'd take them all over any of the milfs here...and you know how much that means coming from me
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
But theres a keg here and me gusta
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
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