your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
Randomize
