I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
Blow job season was short but glorious.
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
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