i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
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