Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
Randomize
