i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
You took a bar mat shot.
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
Randomize