My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
I DEMAND FORESKIN
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