4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
Randomize
