Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
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