i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
In America we eat man semen.
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
Randomize
