If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
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