hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
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