I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
Randomize
