Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
Michelle Duggar likes to fuuuuck
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
I think I have vodka in my lungs
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
Randomize
