Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
Randomize
