she looked like the bat from fern gully.
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
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