No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
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