If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
She even gives head with a lisp.
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
Randomize
