i already hear my dad disowning me
What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
He called his prostate his "boner button".
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
Randomize
