Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
Randomize
