Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
Randomize
