im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
Randomize
