YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
Randomize
