I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
Randomize
