do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
Randomize
