i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
Randomize
