there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
Randomize
