we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
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