also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
I think I am morally bankrupt
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
Randomize
