every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
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