I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
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