I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
Randomize
