you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
Sooo i'm debating posing nude for the drawing and painting classes, I just wanna see if they draw my nip ring.
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
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