In the future we'll all be gay
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
