I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
Randomize
