Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
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