i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
Packing for the trip... do they take Visa in South Dakota?
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
Randomize
